Everything's Alright
by TransientTruth
Summary: "I'd rather die remembering you…than to live and forget who you are." SPAMANO ONE-SHOT. AU CHARACTER DEATHS. Might contain OOC-ness.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

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It was autumn, the season most trees shed their leaves in preparation to endure another long winter before spring comes along again. A strong gust of wind blew past Antonio as he slid his hands into the pockets of his coat, looking down as he walked to his car.

Today is the day again.

"_Idiota, don't look so glum. This isn't like you at all."_

Antonio looked, shook his head, walked up and got into his car. He got the engine started and placed his hands on the wheel. They trembled, but he gripped the wheel tighter and took a deep breath before he started driving.

It's not that he didn't want to forget – he couldn't.

_It was the night after they were done with the engagement papers. It was decided that they would get married in autumn in a garden. Lovino didn't want it to be too flashy, and even though they were going to hold their marriage in Spain, where their marriage would be recognised as legal, they still might be scorned because they were both Catholics._

_Neither of them cared, because even if it meant going their backs against their religions, they were sure their love for each other was strong and true._

_When they went back to Antonio's apartment together, they simply spent their time looking up at the moon from his balcony. The city's lights were too bright for a lot of the stars, so they could hardly be visible. Even so, the moon hung far in the dark skies, softly illuminating the night._

"_Hey Lovi, do you feel any different tonight?"_

"_No," Lovino scoffed. "You wish."_

"_Yeah, I really do." Antonio laughed, resting his arms on the balcony rails and gazed lovingly at Lovino._

_He seemed to have caught his gaze and quickly looked away, blushing._

"_W-what are you looking at, dammit!" He stuttered, wishing he could just dig a hole and hide there until the embarrassment went away. It had been 5 years since they were together, yet he still couldn't get rid of that feeling when Antonio stares at him with the eyes he knew and loved so much._

"_Nothing~ you're just really cute when you do that."_

"_Shut up!" Lovino growled._

_Lovino just thought about something, and he started to twiddle with his thumbs thinking of how to put his thoughts into words._

"_Hey, what would you do if I'm gone one day?" He asked._

"_Lovi, what are you saying? This isn't funny!" Antonio widened his eyes, wondering what made him ask such a serious question. _

"_I know it isn't." He said simply, looking out of the balcony calmly. "I just wanted to know, that's all."_

_He looked at Lovino, confused. He didn't know why he brought up the question so suddenly, or how to give him an honest or satisfactory answer._

_ He didn't know what to do without Lovino._

Antonio slowly stepped on the pedal, accelerating gradually. His eyes were on the road, but his focus wasn't. His grip tightened as did his chest, but he brushed that away and continued driving. He didn't realise until then he didn't have a destination to go, but he decided as long as it wasn't that place, he would be fine with it.

He looked to the window beside him and saw the private garden that was the venue of their intended wedding. Both of them were so happy the day finally came, and neither of them could believe it. It was all like a dream.

That dream was crushed as soon as it was conjured.

Antonio turned away and continued driving with a stinging pain still lingering in his chest. It reminded him too much of Lovino - how happy he was, until-

_Today was the day they were supposed to get married. Antonio checked on Lovino to see how he was doing, and he replied with a little smile that he has a slight headache, but he will be fine. The bells rang, and Lovino walked down the aisle with Antonio with a blissful look on his face for the first time and was happy beyond words could comprehend. However, he felt his head getting heavier, and his vision was failing him. The world seemed to spin around him, but he decided to not let that get him down._

_He wanted their marriage to be witnessed and recognised, even if it's for a short while. It was his final and only wish._

_"Do you, Antonio Fernández Carriedo, take Lovino Vargas as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?"_

_"I do."_

_"__Do you, Lovino Vargas, take ____ Antonio Fernández Carriedo_ as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death you do part?"

_Everyone waited for Lovino's turn to say the word that would seal their marriage, but Lovino's head felt suffocating by now. He was beginning to hear things, but he struggled silently._

_"I...I d-" before__ Lovino could say any more, he caved in to the throbbing headache, passed out and was sent to the hospital. Antonio paced to and fro outside the emergency unit worriedly and when he saw the doctor come out after doing a thorough check on Lovino, he rushed over and asked about his condition._

_The doctor looked at him apologetically, told him Lovino had a malignant tumour in his brain, and asked if he had been told about it._

_It felt as if everything was a lie then._

"_Can he be saved? You must save him, please!"_

"_I'm sorry, there isn't anything we can do." The doctor said. "He had consulted us earlier when it was detected. If we operated on him, he might experience amnesia or become mentally handicapped."_

"_Did he agree to it then?"_

"_No."_

_It's been a month and Lovino was still in the hospital. He refused to be operated on and his energy deteriorated as days passed. Time was slipping away from them both. Antonio desperately held onto Lovino's hand, the ring on his finger glistened in the dim light of the hospital. Lovino's breathing was getting heavier with each passing minute._

"_Toni," Lovino whispered hoarsely through his oxygen mask, his grip on Antonio tightened a little._

"_What is it?" Antonio quickly looked up and locked eye contact with Lovino. "Are you thirsty? I'll go get you some water—"_

_Antonio got up from his seat, just about to go out of the room to refill the jug beside his bed which almost ran out water, but Lovino tugged at his sleeve, glanced at him with exhausted eyes and slowly shook his head. He slowly sat back onto his seat._

"_The doctor," He slowly turned his head to his left, away from Antonio. "I know…what he told you."_

"_Don't be silly, Lovi!" Antonio forced a smile, warming Lovino's hands. "You'll get better! You'll live…you'll definitely live…! I-if you accept the treatment, then—"_

"_Don't be stupid." Lovino wheezed. "I'd rather die than becoming more idiotic than you."_

_A moment of silence filled the room before he quietly said, "I'd rather die remembering you…than to live and forget who you are."_

Antonio slammed hard on the brakes when he realised he was driving beyond the limits. He was lucky he was in an empty, wide road that cuts through the forest. Not a lot of people know of this place since it's covered by a lot of foliage, but it's not empty either.

He hadn't intended to come here – in fact, he'd prefer to avoid it because he didn't want to be reminded how painful his chest felt when he first came here. Though this was the second time, the wound was fresh like it was from yesterday.

He walked inside through the gates, tucking in his scarf as he trudged through the dry leaves.

_Lovino had tried his best to hang on to what little time he had left. Antonio had been with him since he was admitted in, staying with him night after night._

_He was afraid if one night when he wasn't there, he would be gone the next day. He seemed so fragile that he could break anytime. His face became paler than usual, blood drained from his lips. He couldn't sit up or take any food, so he had to live on a drip and keep his oxygen mask on._

_One night, Antonio held Lovino's hand and kept it warm like he did every night, but it seemed colder than it usually felt. He silently brought it up and kissed the ring that was on his finger. He didn't want Lovino to go so soon, especially when he had so much more to tell him._

_He wanted to wake up especially early just so he could watch Lovino sleep. He wanted to hug him every day and remind him he loved him._

_He wanted to watch him sleep peacefully, but not like this…he didn't want to see him in pain even in his rest. He did want to tell him he loved him, but he wanted Lovino to get embarrassed and give him a headbutt, not scoff at him weakly in bed._

"_Hey…" Lovino looked at him, frowning. "Idiota, don't look so glum. This isn't like you at all."_

"_I'm sorry…" Antonio looked down, trying to hold back his tears._

"_Toni, can you…promise me something?"_

"_What is it?" Antonio slowly gazed at him, bringing Lovino's hand to his cheek. _

"_Live. Live, and be happy." Lovino said simply, smiling weakly. This wasn't just any smirk he used to give Antonio whenever he won an argument. It was a genuine smile meant only for Antonio. "If you dare you mope over me, I'll punch you so hard…I'll send you back to earth when we meet again."_

"_I'll live," Antonio said in a low tone. "But I'm not sure if I can be happy without you."_

"_Idiotic Spaniard, you'll still have the memories we have together." Lovino brought up his left hand and caressed his cheek. "That's as good as having me alive."_

_Antonio nodded, trying not to say anything._

"_I'm tired." Lovino shifted his head up at the ceiling and closed his eyes. "Sing me a lullaby, Toni."_

_Antonio lowered the side rails of the bed so he could lean close to Lovino, cradling him in his arms. Slowly, he sang a calming song, though it's not considered to be a lullaby. It brought him comfort though, and he was sure Lovino felt it too._

_"Pasos... cortos...Todo está bien._

_Me hiergo, y veo que no estoy iluminado._

_¿Que estoy triste? ¿Como lo podras saber?_

_Siempre busquérespuestas de aquel ayer._

_Cuando esté nublado tu mira a través porque yo allí te llevaré._

_Hasta que las estrellas bajo nuestros pies estén,pero da igual si tu estás, _

_nada podrá ir mal...__"_

_The night seemed long, but when he finally finished the lullaby, he squeezed his eyes shut and waited. His heart wrenched every time he heard the heart monitor's beeps slow down until it became a loud, seemingly long beep. He looked at the monitor, the screen showed a green line._

_Just like that, he was gone._

_Antonio planted a soft kiss on Lovino's cold lips before he broke down and fell to his knees, his lips quivering from the tears. He thought he was prepared for this situation, but he wasn't. He didn't want to lose Lovino so soon, but that couldn't be helped._

Finally, Antonio's footsteps halted in front of a humble grave stone under a tree. It had a bouquet of flowers there already. Feliciano must have visited before he did.

'Lovino Vargas, 17 March 1988 – 16 July 2016'

"Lovi…it's been a year." Antonio looked down and smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't visit until now. I was too much of a coward. I didn't know how to face you like this."

Antonio knelt down and brushed the leaves off the grave before reaching out a hand to touch the name carved on the stone.

He missed Lovino, but as long as he knows he once existed and the memories they shared together were real, he was contented with just that.

"¿Por qué mi voz ya a nada da sentido?

Que sentir, que decir hay un abismo entre ellas...

Dijo, que él jamás me podría entender...  
Y sólo esperé Sin saber muy bien que iba a hacer..."

Antonio softly sang the lullaby again, hoping that Lovino could hear him somehow. He started to remember everything that he and Lovino been through - the good and bad. When they fought, Antonio would be there and sing sweet words to him until his anger went away. A lot of the times when they had nothing to do, they would sit at the balcony at Antonio's apartment and gaze at the sky or the city's lights. It was those simple times that gave him the most joy and brought him closer to Lovino.

His heart ached every time he thought about what Lovino had to bear with all this time and how he didn't deserve it.

"Cuando esté nublado tu mira a través

porque yo allí te llevaré.

para que cuando veas el mundo a tus pies,

todo dé igual

si yo estoy, nada puede ir mal...

Y si tú estás nada podrá...ir mal..."

He finished the lullaby as he held his ringed finger close to his chest. His heart pounded painfully in his chest when he thought of how they first met. When they were in elementary school, Lovino had failed almost every subject and the rest of his classmates teased him for being stupid because his brother, Feliciano was the complete opposite of him - a social butterfly, aced all his subjects and loved by everyone. Lovino had felt left out and always ate alone at lunch.

Antonio bubbly asked him if he could sit together with him for lunch, but Lovino told him to go away. That didn't make him disheartened and he continuously talked to him.

_Antonio was going home from school and he saw some older boys cornering him, attempting to force some money out of him. Lovino snapped at them, refusing and tried to fight back but failed because of his small build. Antonio rushed in and shielded him without thinking twice and fought for Lovino in his stead. However, Antonio got injured badly and a teacher saw them. Because of that, all of them were subject to detention._

_The classroom was quiet, and Lovino sat in the far corner of the class while Antonio sat in the middle row where his seat was. He heard a chair shift but paid no attention to it, thinking that it must be Lovino wanting to go to the washroom or something of the like._

_What surprised him was that the chair beside his table shifted and when he turned around, he saw Lovino just about to sit down._

_"...what are you staring at?" He asked in a bored voice._

_"I thought you didn't like me much." Antonio said innocently._

_"No, I still don't." Lovino snapped. "Are you an idiot? Why did you let yourself be beaten up by them? Now you got yourself into detention when you did nothing wrong!"_

_Antonio just stared at him while he ranted away._

_"What are you staring at?!"_

_"...this is the first time you've talked so much to me."_

_"Whatever, just answer my question!" Lovino demanded._

_"You are my friend and friends help each other. I don't want to see you get hurt." Antonio answered simply._

_"D-don't expect me to be grateful to you for this, okay? Because I won't!" Lovino turned away, blushing out of embarrassment._

_"I won't!" Antonio grinned happily. He was just glad that Lovino talked to him for the first time when he'd usually ignore him. Even if he had to take all the injuries, he was fine with it because in exchange, he and Lovino started talking more and got closer to each other ever since._

Antonio kept his eyes locked on the grave stone. He thought he lost his light and fell into darkness, but throughout the one year, he was given a lot of time to mull over things. When he woke up early enough to see the sunrise, he realised that nights don't last forever because morning will eventually come. There will come a time when his wounds will heal even though the scars will still remain. It doesn't matter whether he manages to look for another because like Lovino said, having the memories they shared was as good as having him alive.

He never lost his light. In every sunrise, Lovino was there to greet him even though the space on the bed beside him was empty. On every night, the moonlight would lull him to sleep. It was almost as if he was never gone.

Antonio took something out of his pocket and took out a silver locket that had a picture of both of them in it. He placed it around the gravestone and smiled, showing it a similar locket that was hidden under his scarf and hung around his neck.

"Do you like it? I got it made just for you." Antonio said softly.

He took a breath before continuing.

"I've decided to stay with you. Guess the usual wedding vows won't be valid then." He chuckled.

He took out a simple silver band and slid it through the locket necklace chain before he put it back down.

"I'll be your lawfully wedded husband, and not even death can or will do us part." Antonio smiled. "You have carved a mark so deep in my heart, I can't live a day without thinking about you. I love you, Lovino. It'll be the same next year, the year after, 30 years after that and until the stars grow cold."

Antonio got up, bowed and left to get into his car. He felt a little better after telling Lovino what his heart had yearned to say.

_Idiot..._

_I love you too._

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**This is basically a translation of 'Everything's alright in Spanish, taken from ItsFanDubTime on youtube. Go check them out. They're awesome~**

Reviews are very much appreciated~


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